11 Comments
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Kimberly Ko's avatar

Thank you for sharing so much about this day even though it was a Uffda kind of situation. I try to gently remember my husband’s memorial service. But the only thing that really jumps out all the time is the craziest lady who said to me … at the memorial service… Don’t worry, honey you’ll need a new one soon.

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Danielle's avatar

I’m so sorry, Kimberly. I will not make excuses for people. Memorials are hard enough. You deserved to be surrounded by love and empathy and respect.

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Kimberly Ko's avatar

Everybody deserves better. I know that I’m not the only one who experienced something really baffling. But it’s stuck in my head. I felt like a guest at my own husband’s memorial service…. Kinda like get out of body experience because it was such a shocking situation because of his suicide the whole thing was a disaster

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Danielle's avatar

That must have been so hard. No wonder that experience has been stuck in your head.

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Kimberly Ko's avatar

I would rather have gone skinny-dipping in shark infested waters than to relive that day 😜

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Casey Bottono's avatar

Hi Danielle,

Thank you for sharing this tender reflection on your experience of Toby's funeral.

I'm grateful that you had the assurance of the security team.

Your strategy for dealing with 'How are you?' is brilliant.

Thank you for allowing us to bear witness.

Take care,

Casey

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Danielle's avatar

Thank you so much, Casey. Hardly anyone knew we had security there; they were very discreet and professional, which was nice. I wish it wasn’t necessary, but it was.

I don’t even know where the idea to write “shitty” on a piece of paper came from! It just popped into my head, and I thought “why not.” Toby would have loved it.

I appreciate your presence. Thank you for being here and bearing witness 💜

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Ashleigh's avatar

Everything was just perfect for his memorial and you knew exactly what he would want. The behaviour that day (and many days before and since) from some people rwas appalling, even if you did anticipate it. I wish I was able to say it was a shock but it isn’t. People can be so horribly hurtful.

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Danielle's avatar

Thank you. I know you know how hard we all worked to create something beautiful to honour Toby’s short life. I prevented what I could, but I couldn’t prevent everything.

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Lauren's avatar

You honoured Toby so beautifully in your eulogy; without having met him it was still so evident how kind, talented, and beloved he was, and that the two of you shared something truly special.

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Danielle's avatar

Thank you, Lauren. I’m so grateful for you and your friendship. You’re always there to help me press pause, to offer validation and reassurance, to hold up a mirror and say, “This is what I see.”

I wish you and Toby could have met.

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